How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
