Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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