Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
