I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize