she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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