did you get engaged???
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
