OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
