I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
