my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
