You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
