After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
