Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
