does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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