Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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