i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
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