You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
