How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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