TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
