You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
