No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
