It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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