oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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