Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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