capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
