she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
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