Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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