oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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