i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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