she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
