Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
