Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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