i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
