my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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