I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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