I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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