Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
