my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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