When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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