Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
