Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
