Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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