wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
