LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
