toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
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