i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
