Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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