nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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