I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
