You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
