If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
