remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
