i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I don't think brook has ever known best
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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