I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
