dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
