I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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