im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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