I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
