I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
